I wrote this poem ages ago in honour of my very dear friend Amanda. At the moment we’re living on opposite sides of the planet and I miss her greatly. I miss drinking litres of ginger tea and cracking up about nothing in particular. I miss her hugs.
NB: Apart from the first line, nothing in this poem is true (she really is very nice). Oh and the fact that she goes on daily power walks – that’s true too. And once she told me a story about a dog she met called ‘Boobs’… but let’s save that for another day.
Here it is…….
I know a nice lady called Amanda…
who has this thing for pandas.
She dreams of them at night,
And swoons: ooooo what a lovely sight!
She wears panda hats and panda tees,
If she could, she’d eat panda cheese.
Her house is packed with panda toys,
She has tapes that just play panda noise.
She also frequents the local zoo,
There, she watches them in person too.
But her obsession got quite out of hand,
When she made a weird demand.
Dragging along her dog named Dork,
she went out on her daily power walk.
But the pair came to an almighty stop,
When they were passing by the Barbershop.
The sign inside the window read:
FREE FOILS FOR YOUR ENTIRE HEAD.
Amanda could not believe her luck,
She scooped up Dork and in she ducked.
“I’m taking up your offer sir,
Black and white, like panda fur.”
The barber gave her quite a stare,
Then washed and cut and dyed her hair.
And just between you and me,
It was the scariest thing you’d ever see.
But Amanda was elated,
To the point she almost fainted.
“I look superb,” she cried,
“Dork too must also be dyed!”
The barber was a reasonable bloke,
“No madam, this must be a joke.”
But Amada’s heart was firmly set,
She wanted a panda for a pet.
And though he thought she was insane,
The barber gave Dork a panda mane.
“Oh my dog, you so fine,
I must post pictures of you online.”
So Amanda went home and filled her blog,
with countless pictures of her panda dog.
And perhaps people are really bored….
But immediately her hit rate soared.
Dork quickly shot to worldwide fame,
And millions of twits hashtagged his name.
It took just a few short days
For Amanda to trigger a global craze.
Now dog owners everywhere,
Dye their dogs like panda bears.