One Liners: The stupid things people say…

This post is inspired by Alan Jones, famous Aussie radio host. (Stick with me! This post will get better). He loves being controversial. Loves it. The other day he sparked outrage with this little pearl:

“She (the Prime Minister) said that we know societies only reach their full potential if women are politically participating.

Women are destroying the joint – Christine Nixon in Melbourne, Clover Moore here. Honestly.”

What a ridiculous thing to say: Women are destroying the joint. So ridiculous that I’m not even mortified or outraged. It actually made me laugh (well, more like snort-quasi-chuckle). Because Alan Jones is the only one that looks the fool here.

It made me thing about the other memorable one liners people have made over the years. Everyone loves a good one liner. Here are a few of my all time favourites.

First up, Prince Philip. You know, the Duke of Edinburgh. That old chap married to the Queen….

He’s come out with some unbelievable lines on his Royal Duties. Tactless, rude, absolutely hilarious.

To a blind women with a guide dog:

“Do you know they have eating dogs for the anorexic now?”

To an Aborigine in Australia:

“Do you still throw spears at each other?”

To his wife, after her coronation:

“Where did you get the hat?”

Ahhhh the cheek. I love it. I love the fact that he’s so highly trained in royal etiquette, yet he’s still so unashamedly un-PC.

Next up, George W. Bush, former US President. Also a serial offender. These quotes are not exactly funny. They are mind-boggling. Just think, this man was president for 8 years.

Some lines are illiterate:

“Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?”

Some, nonsensical:

“Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.”

Others expose some kind of deep seeded confusion:

“I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don’t always agree with them.”

And last but not least, this gem:

“Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.”

Did I mention this guy was president for 8 years?

Not that I can really point the finger. I’ve made some memorable mistakes in my time.

When I was about 4 years old I wanted to be Superman (eat your heart out Disney Princess).

I wanted to be Superman so badly, I tied a towel around my neck for a cape and ran around the verandah screaming:


By supermarket, I meant Superman. Of course. But my best line came a year before. Darren, my older brother, kicked me between the legs and I ran to mum groaning:

“Mummy, Darren kicked me in the balls.”

Yeah, I was pretty confused. Thankfully, mother dearest set me straight and I’ve got it all sorted now. But I don’t feel too bad when I muddle my meanings. Famous people do it too….

British Boxer Alan Minter said this last year:

“Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing, but none of them serious.”

Perhaps Paris Hilton was putting this on for the camera, but……

 “What’s a soup kitchen?”

Christina Aguilera. Oh dear.

“So, where’s the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?”

Ha. Charles de Gaulle, French President in the 60s, thanks for your insight:

“China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese.”

Finally, the ultimate of all the one liners and the real reason I chose to do journalism…..

“You stay classy, San Diego. I’m Ron Burgundy?”

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