Poem: A Girl Called Diana

This poem is not based on a true story. It is a true story. It happened to a friend of a friend of mine. [Name changed to protect identity].


There lives a young girl called Diana, who can not eat a full banana.

Her dislike is so acute, it’s hard to believe it’s just fruit.

The sight one one makes her spew. Instantly, as if on cue.

And though it may seem a bit strange, to detest such a yummy fruit range…

Once I tell this story of past, you’ll understand her banana fast.

Now Diana is a lovely lass, full of intellect and sass.

But she has a unique bloodline, that’s not like yours or mine.

For years ago there was a mishap, inside a secret science lab.

The crackpots mixed monkey blood, with blood of a spunky football stud.

So when the monkey next gave birth, history was made upon the earth….

Out popped a human girl, with little toes and a single curl.

The scientists were left bemused, the monkey too was pretty confused.

In the end they thought it fair, to leave the girl in her mother’s care.

But eventually Di grew too big, to stay inside the monkey’s rig.

She soon began to scream and yell, to tell them of her living hell.

“Let me out you research fools, I’m sure this is against the rules!”

And by the time that Di turned three, the scientists set her free.

A Sydney family took her in, and treated her as their kin.

She’s grown up to be pretty sane, but her banana hatred stays the same.


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