I once knew a girl named Peta,
Who drank red wine by the litre.
The first time I did meet her,
She knocked back a jug of sangria.
Then, right there, in record time,
She imbibed a whole case of wine.
“Oh my goodness me” I said,
“How can you drink so much red?!”
She just laughed in my face,
“Can’t you keep up with my pace?”
The day had only just passed noon,
And here was Peta guzzling goon.
I urged her then to take a break,
“Do it for your liver’s sake!”
But Peta kept on sculling booze,
Not a cup did she refuse.
Yet on her feet she did stay,
Downright sober through the day.
She ordered more Pinot Noir,
While I watched on from afar.
She sat and sipped at her chair,
Seemingly, without a care.
But then when she was all alone,
I saw her swap place with a clone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“AH HA!” I yelled across the pub,
“PETA, YOU’RE A LYING GRUB!”
“I SAW YOU SWAP WITH A TWIN,
YOUR DISGUISE IS WEARING THIN!”
Her face and body froze in fear,
“Oh dear, oh dear! Oh dear, oh dear!”
Peta said “it’s not what you think”
“Let me explain real quick!”
She grabbed my hand and led me out,
To tell me what it’s all about.
And without a word of a lie –
Peta told me she’s a spy!
An agent from the Planet Mars,
Sent to scope out human “bars”.
But too much wine had made her spin,
So she swapped spots with her kin.
I told her not to drink so much,
Booze is just a social crutch.
But Peta said that as a foreigner,
She must fit in like a commoner.
“This is just what humans do,
So I must drink wine just like you!”
Picture credit: Futurama