At 35 weeks

I am 35 weeks pregnant and I am huge. I repeat: HUGE.

Imagine if you had a basketball stuck up your top that sticks out and looks fake. That is the shape and size of my abdomen. A few people have told me my stomach is “pronounced” and “prominent” – which is weird – but actually describes it perfectly.

The other day someone asked me if I had been listening to classical music in order to “make the baby more intelligent”.

I hadn’t.

So instead, I took the fetus to Laneway Festival. The music was so loud I could feel my waters reverberating. Baby was thrashing and kicking violently. I’m unsure if he was protesting or if he was moshing. He especially loved (hated?) Battles and Health. He also responded to Violent Soho. So now when I picture him as a teenager he has long hair and takes drugs.

I finish work this week – one month before baby is due to make his grand entrance.

I am looking forward to spending the month napping, reading, going for leisurely swims, eating and being naked. It is my preferred state of being at the moment, naked (preferably horizontal and in front of a fan). I am so big it is nigh impossible to get comfortable and clothes are simply not practical anymore. For some reason, no one but my husband will allow it.

My colleagues asked me what I needed for the baby and I said I needed a breast pump. What can I say, I’m a practical gal. Later it occurred to me that many of my fellow employees are men and a breast pump is perhaps quite an intimate and slightly inappropriate gift to be presented with publicly. I am trying to come up with a witty joke for when I open the gift in front of the entire office.

I think it is by natural design that by the time a pregnant woman reaches 40 weeks, she is so completely desperate to have the baby OUT of her body and IN HER ARMS, that she is prepared to go through any amount of pain. And that is how you get through labour. Bring it on, I say.

I never thought I would be the type to want to go on a babymoon. Turns out, I am. My husband and I went to a little cabin on the NSW south coast with a beautiful view overlooking a valley and an infinity pool just outside. For a few days we were in heaven. I napped twice on one day, so that was a highlight.

This year is a year of unknowns. I have no idea what to expect. But I’m also excited to be doing something new and completely different: child-rearing.

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